FYF Forecast!

In case you misplace your excel spreadsheet of amalgamated blog posts regarding “groups not to miss at FYF,” we’ve provided you something even better- a forecast of how this weekend’s festivities may play out:

Plan elaborate marriage proposal to Kim Deal during their performance of “Do You Love Me Now?” that involves inflatable pool, Roman candle and siamese carrier pigeon.

Have locker keys switched with Damon Albarn of Deerhunter. He catches me using his Neti pot in an outhouse, and confronts me. The situation escalates quickly as he throws the first punch, but is carried away by the wind into the sunset.

Deerhunter cancels. The Vines fill in and perform all of their 2002 debut, “Highly Evolved.”

Washed Out spins “Feel It All Around” for all of 40 min. set.

Crystal Antlers perform Black Randy’s “I Slept In An Arcade,” joined by Black Randy’s dead body slumped in a lawn chair in a “Weekend at Bernie’s” fashion. Sunglasses provided by co-sponsor, Chili Beans.

Buy $80 pair of Chili Beans sunglasses. they snap in half in the pit for Metz. Write strongly worded letter in chalk on their sunglasses mural. Break it in half.

Designated Gongbanter inhaler break.

During the second chorus of “Two-Headed Dog,” Roky Erickson showers the crowd with half-chewed Buffalo Ranch Ruffles crumbs.

“Kimya Dawson or King Buzzo?” Contest

Yeah Yeah Yeahs seduce crowd for 20 sensual minutes, and Death Grips violently, but consensually skullf**k them into submission for the next hour.

Choked out by member of “The Locust.”  Die happy having seen God speak through Jonathan Richman.

In the meantime, be charmed or revolted by this video of headliner MGMT at one of their very first shows, giggling through a rendition of one of the greatest songs ever:

See you there!

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