Music to Coachella, Nochella & Fauxchella to…

While many of you are counting the days to Coachella, we sadly, are not. We were planning on attending, but after hearing Lea Michele was offered $20,000 to attend (in comparison to our meek $10,000 offer from Dairy Queen), we decided to stay home. Though we’re proud to say that official Gongbanter carrier pigeon “Rodney LaPoubelle” will be attending, rocking a new neon GongBanter bro tank.  Anyway, we’d like to offer you a playlist of tracks made up of Coachella must-sees, alternate acts playing the same weekend, and our own dream headliners:

1.  Will you be relaxing in the county pool this weekend like me, splashing away band-aids and tearfully dreaming of the day Mr. Bungle reunites and plays a Coachella set? Or will you be basking in an Indio hotel pool? Either way, ask the lifeguard to throw on Mr. Bungle’s “Backstrokin'” -rye

2.  I don’t care if they don’t have a new album, tour, nor anything new to promote. A 35 year anniversary seems like a good enough reason to add the Human League to the lineup. They’ve yet to play Coachella, and I struggle to understand why. Ponder this to one of their earliest songs that protests silk farming and references Buddhist principles, “Being Boiled” -rye

3.  We know.. it’s not fair that you couldn’t get work off and make Coachella this weekend. But Jail Weddings play the Echoplex in LA this Friday you fool, so stop sulking and go square dance yourself clean. “It’s Not Fair” -rye

4.  But if you do go to Coachella, wake up early, break out of Saturday hangover purgatory and GO SEE LAURA MVULA. Rise and shine to one of my favorites, “Like The Morning Dew.” -rye

5. Dream headliners? The Smiths?…no, when I saw Morrissey there in 2009 he couldn’t finish his set because of all the burning flesh, and that rant was slightly terrifying to hear. David Byrne playing all of William Onyeabor’s songs?…no because that is already HAPPENING, what!? How about we get The Libertines to reunite! Not exactly my number one dream, but I mean, be honest, who isn’t interested in what Pete Doherty is up to these days? Here is a song I really liked in high school, “The Ha Ha Wall.” -caitiebee

6. Can’t make it to the desert? Don’t let drab LA get you down. Head to beautiful Santa Ana to see Hieroglyphics at The Observatory. Del! Here’s a “Classic.” -caitiebee

7. I’m sure the Coachella-goers among us will be exhausted come Sunday, but you know you want to make it back to the field by 3 to see buzzboy Chance the Rapper, “U Got Me Fucked Up” -caitibee

8. Also, did you hear Weekend 1 passes are starting at $3,000 online?? I’ll buy tickets next year to get rid of them at that mark up. Don’t loose all your “Dirty Money” dears! This one is by Antibalas. -caitiebee

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